I’ll say it: I’m tired of the “stuff” in my house. The toys, the junk, the knick-knacks that the kids just don’t play with. Being home with the kids since 2020 due to COVID just made me realize that when they’re home, they actually never even play in the playroom! I’m struggling with the holidays because I don’t want to look like the Grinch and have not enough presents, but at the same time, we have no more room! In the age of social media and presents galore for kids, how can I become a more strategic gift giver without disappointing my kid? —Molly, 30, PA Lauren Smith Brody: This is the column that I hope my extended family doesn’t read, because right now, in my front hall, is a bag of never-unboxed presents my kids have received and outgrown over the past couple of years. We are donating them to a domestic violence shelter. Simultaneously, tonight is day 6 of Chanukah, and I have only two presents left to give, one for each of my boys, so another thing on my list is, “get four more presents.” In other words, yes, I will be bringing more stuff into our home purely for the sake of having all eight nights covered. Such is the push-pull of presents at the holidays, and of parenting, I guess. We want so much for our kids…but we also want them to be grateful, unspoiled, and maybe even able to open up their closets without risking a head injury. View this post on Instagram
A post shared by PARADE (@parade.media) Molly, I was thinking about suggesting a list of family rules around gift-giving. Our own rhythm for Chanukah is one major gift, a couple of mediums, and all the rest kinds of trinketry things. I find that helpful. I also have a secret gift stash that I add to over the year so I don’t do quite as much last-minute buying. Often, for birthdays, my husband will get the kids tickets from us for some experience instead of a gift. But it’s awfully hard to impose rules on friends and family who give presents to your children, and frankly, I just wouldn’t. It’s rude. And when you place stipulations on people’s gift-giving, you’re taking away some of their joy (caveat, of course, is if they ask you what your kiddo would like—by all means, send them a link!). So, instead of rules, how about using this year as a bit of a reset. You say that you don’t want to look like a Grinch, but if your kids are old enough to notice fewer presents, they’re probably also old enough to talk about it, and you could prep them ahead of time that Santa told you he’s giving them cooler (but fewer) presents this year. As for what you do give them, I think it can be helpful to make a list of the reasons why we give the items we give. Here’s mine:
To keep them busy (kits and projects are good when Mom’s on Zoom)To delight and surprise them (the character they love on anything, or a family keepsake, passed down.)To help them grow (books, puzzles)To fill a need (ski gloves, PJ’s, a dopp kit to replace the toothpastey Ziploc)To make a memory (tickets to anything, an afternoon off of work, spent together)To teach them to be givers themselves (I love gift cards to donorschoose.org which lets kids pick a classroom to support)
The pile can be big or small, the budget plentiful or tiny. But no matter how you measure it, none of the above sounds like “stuff” to me. It sounds like love. Next, Are You a Pandemic Parent Struggling to Find “Me Time”? Lauren Smith Brody Has Five Tips You Can Try Today As an entrepreneur who can’t quit journalism, Brody writes regularly about the intersection of business and motherhood for, among others, The New York Times, Slate, Bloomberg Businessweek, and Elle, and pens advice columns for Parade Media and the children’s brand Maisonette. Brody is on the board of the early education nonprofit Docs for Tots. A longtime leader in the women’s magazine industry, she was previously the executive editor of Glamour magazine. Raised in Ohio, Texas, and Georgia, she now lives in New York City with her husband, two sons, and rescue puppy.
